How do I get my baby to sleep?
Okay, so, for starters, you can do whatever the hell you want. In my opinion, you only have an obligation to do what is safe. As far as doing what “works,” that’s going to look different for everyone. Educate yourself on best practices (i.e. open dialogue with a pediatrician you trust, the AAP, the CDC, etc. — not Tik Tok and Facebook forums) and then do whatever works for you, your baby, and your family.
When I first had my daughter, a few of the great more-experienced moms in my life told me to “trust” myself. Much like I’m telling you now. And I remember thinking, “I have never been responsible for a baby so what the hell do you mean.” If that's you right now, one thing that has always helped me is to zoom out. Millions and millions of babies for generations and generations have been successfully guided by the light of a new mother. You are no exception. Your love is far more powerful than you know.
Alright, now that I’ve said all of that, I’ll get to what worked for my little one. Just in case you want to try it and find it useful. Remember that you can reject, take pieces from, or completely embrace anything you learn as a mother. So this is all just up for grabs.
Learn your baby’s sleepy cues. During that newborn stage, they’re more like potatoes, so it might be trickier to do this early on. But the good news is, newborns can’t sleep through the night and wake up refreshed and nap at regular intervals. It ain’t happening. So you have time to figure this part out. If you need some ideas on what cues your baby might be giving you, I recommend you…
Check out a trusted resource. For us, this was Taking Cara Babies. Cara is a pediatric sleep consultant (so fancy). And she offers classes online. However, unless you’re really in the thick of it or prefer to learn via video content, I think her blog is all you need (and it’s free). Every new month, we just google “taking cara babies 6 months” for example. And my husband and I read up on all the developments, milestones, and methods. Then, we put it away and go about our lives with the information in mind.
We don’t time every wake window. We don’t follow a set schedule. We just put her down for bed when she is clearly letting us know she’s tired. And she sleeps. Well. And somehow over time, her own little body just sort of fell into the exact routine they say is what’s best for her age. Night feeds just sort of became less and less until she wasn’t waking up for milk at all. I will say that around months 2-3, we did use the Huckleberry app for tracking. But I’m going to advise against it unless your pediatrician tells you to monitor and record inputs, outputs, sleep, or whatever. Or unless you are able to truly truly objectively decide that it’s what’s best for you (and not your postpartum anxiety). Logging and tracking all the details can be an interesting way to view trends and see what is working and what is not. Or it can be anxiety inducing and obsessive. Check-in with yourself.
For us, bedtime looks like: blackout curtains, a Hatch sound machine glowing red and playing brown noise, a fan, comfy jammies, a sleep sack, a bottle in the rocking chair, and then the crib. We also leave a few glow-in-the-dark pacifiers within reach.
If you are a parent and you’re reading this going “fuck you,” I get it. She’s a really good sleeper. And since I haven’t done this before, I can’t tell you whether it’s all her or all us or some combination of the two. If our next kid spends the first 10 months wide awake all night, I promise to come forward with humble apologies for even writing this. But just in case it isn’t magic, it might be worth a shot.
Best of luck to you and your REM cycles. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Remember nothing is forever. And you’re exactly who your baby needs.
